‘Tis The Season…

For scams!

That’s right folks! It’s that time of year again, when the only thing piling up faster than the snow are the emails. Here’s a gem I recently got that just screamed “Too good to be true”. At first I thought it was legit, since I had posted a few things on craigslist offering to help with various jobs for cash on the side. As I read on though, I quickly realized I was wrong. Lemme break down my train of thought section by section:

Hello,

I’m looking for someone that can be trusted and reliable to work very well with good understanding as my Personal Assistant.This position i am offering is home-based and flexible, working with me is basically about instructions and following them, my only fear is that i may come at you impromptu sometimes, so i need someone who can be able to meet up with my irregular timings. As my Personal Assistant, your activities amongst other things will include;

Alright, typing could be worse I suppose. Some grammatical errors and typos but maybe English is not this person’s primary language. I am a bit skeptical about “i need someone who can be able to meet up with my irregular timings” though…

Primary Responsibilities:

* Creating orders/pick slips/invoices/credit memos.
* Processing return authorizations for me as needed.
* Running personal errands.
* supervisions and monitoring.
* Scheduling programmes, flights and keeping me up to date with them.
* Acting as an alternative telephone correspondence while I’m away and when needed as i am hard on hearing that is why computer works for me. Making regular contacts and drop-offs on my behalf. Handling and monitoring some of my financial activities as the case maybe.

Credit card fraud.

Basic wage is $500 Weekly

Or drugs.

I’m sure you’ll understand I tend to have a very busy schedule at this point. Please note that this position is not office based for now because of my frequent travels and tight schedules, it’s a part-time work from home for now and the flexibility means that there will be busier weeks than others. I would like to give you an immediate trial, so if you are interested kindly get back to me. As I have been checking my files and schedules and would need someone urgently to run some errands for me this week/next week, while I am away. I will have some funds sent to you to complete the errands and would get back to you with more information on that, get back to me with your Personal/Contact Details such as:

Well yea, drug-dealing credit card fraud leaders tend to be busy.

FULL NAMES:
ADDRESS,Include Apt # If Available(No PO.BOX please):
CITY:
STATE:
ZIP CODE:
HOME PHONE #:
MOBILE PHONE#:
EMAIL ADDRESS:
PRESENT JOB:

Give ALL The Names!

Thanks in anticipation of your prompt response.

Yours Sincerely,

Anthoniette Grey.
Mildmay

What the actual fuck is “Mildmay”?

That’s the whole email, word for word and unedited. Turns out this is a resurgence of a previous scam using almost identical wording. I’m considering writing back with advice on how to write a more convincing letter.