AKA “This Is Why You Should Just Stick To The Standard Shorthand”

I really needn’t say more, but this is a blog after all.

It all started one day when I was heading into the mall with a friend of mine. I think I was applying for a job or something, because I needed my SSN that day. The reason is not as important as what was said next.

“Do you have your soshe?”

“… My what?”

“Your soshe”, she repeated.

(And as a side note, yes, I do put my punctuation outside of the quotes if it’s not part of what was said. Deal with it.)

I didn’t know what a ‘soshe’ was, so I asked.

“Your Social Security Number, silly!” was her answer.

Oh boy…

Let me explain a few things here. First and foremost, I hate just about any attempt to make a word popular by “highschooling” it up. I think that started with the word “fetch” from some bullshit teen comedy or another. One day people just started calling things “fetch” and it caught like wildfire. Stop that shit.

Second, some words are just not popular enough to shorten. “Social Security Number” comes up in daily conversation about as often as “guerrilla rectal exam”, yet you don’t hear people saying “guerexam”. If it doesn’t need to be shortened, don’t shorten it. This is not Newspeak.

Third, this rule applies not just to single words, but phrases too (as hinted oh so subtly in my title and opening sentence). Anyone who has been online for a day knows that “LOL” means “Laughing Out Loud”, “WTF” means “What The Fuck”, “BRB” means “Be Right Back”, and “OMG” means “Oh My God”. I consider these and a few other acronyms almost sacred, a sort of online canon that must be honored for decades to come.

But many people do not.

Over time, other people tried to capitalize on the popularity of these sacred acronyms. We started seeing “JK”, “ROFL”, “YW” and others. And the Internet community accepted them. They are not and never will be as popular as LOL, but they are still welcome in the Pantheon of acronyms.

Then we entered into the dark ages…

“YMMV” (Your Milage May Vary), “NMP” (Not My Problem), “POS” (Parents Over Shoulder), and “TYS” (Told You So) began to appear like weeds in a flower garden. Soon it became impossible to have a conversation because everyone thought that you can simply make an acronym out of thin air!

I’m fighting back. I refuse to let the bastardization of a whole set of holy shorthand occur in my presence. As long as I draw breath, the likes of “FWIW”, “GFY”, and “TSIF” will be publicly shunned.

Now brb while I afk to gttb and gste.


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